Love addicted
by JustMeDownHereAgain
Summary: "Because once you've tasted love the first time, you get addicted." A story of forbidden love between brothers.


For the prompt:

_After you taste love the first time, you get addicted_

* * *

Rodolphus lay in his bed, the covers curling around him and his knees pulled up to his chest. It was a warm summer night, and he should be asleep. Yet, he couldn't. He felt cold, his _bed_ felt cold.

He tried to listen for a shuffling of feet on the floor outside his room, but the house was completely quiet, and he let out a sigh.

It wasn't that he couldn't sleep alone – of course he could, he was a 19 year old man – but he didn't _want_ to. He wanted to hold Rabastan in his arms, feel his heartbeat against his hands as he held around him, and feel his embrace expand and close in each time his brother breathed.  
He could sense Rabastan's smell in the bed sheets, and wondered if Rabastan could smell him in his. Probably not. It was always Rabastan who came into Rodolphus, always his little brother who came for comfort.

Rodolphus knew his brother wouldn't deny him access to his bed if he walked in to him, but if he did, it would be with _every intention_ of sleeping with his brother, and that was just _wrong_. Rabastan came in here because of nightmares, or because he was scared of the dark, even if he felt cold like Rodolphus did now. They just so _happened_ to sleep with each other when he came in here, and that wasn't quite as wrong, that was just an accident.

He almost fell asleep, his eyes closing and his breathing evening out, as he heard it. It was a padding of bare feet over the floor outside his room.  
He let his eyes close as he heard the door open, sending a breath of chill air into the room.

"Rod?" The voice was low and insecure, but Rodolphus didn't answer his little brother. He waited until he heard the door close again, and the padding feet walk towards the bed.

The weight on his bed shifted, and he felt his covers open to allow the fragile form of his brother into his bed.  
Already there, when Rodolphus naked chest and legs could feel the silk of Rabastan's pyjama (Rabastan was always cold, so he consequently wore an additional layer of clothes compared to Rodolphus) Rodolphus felt warmer, and he stretched out to allow his brother to curl into his side.

"Rod" Regulus said again, and Rodolphus knew, Rab knew he was awake. He still didn't open his eyes though, just muttered. "Mhmm?"

Regulus sighed, laying his head down on his brother's chest. The room was quiet for so long that even Rodolphus started doubting that Regulus would continue. He spoke suddenly though, in his low soft voice.

"Why can't mother and father know about this?" He asked, and Rodolphus sighed, now looking down at his brother. They'd had this discussion too many times before, and honestly, he thought he'd heard the last of it. He didn't let his irritation show though, as he calmly explained.

"They'll think it's wrong Rab" he told his brother. "They'll say that brothers shouldn't do what we do, and they'll punish us – punish me – for it".

Silence ensued again, Rodolphus feeling how his brother drew small shapes on his stomach, following the thin line of hair from his navel and down. The innocent brother (or at least Rodolphus wanted to still see him as innocent, because Rabastan didn't know better), hesitated when he reached Rodolphus boxers, and then followed their line before started the pattern again.

"Why can't brothers do what we do Rod?" When Rabastan spoke like that, saying his name after every sentence and sounding like he was about to cry, a knot formed in Rodolphus stomach. He was just a _kid_, how could he pretend anything else?  
With 17 of age, the younger brother wouldn't be called a kid by the wizarding community, but they didn't know Rabastan as well as he did. He knew that the little brother could hardly function alone, and it made Rodolphus feel almost nauseas with guilt.

"Why do we do it when brothers shouldn't do it, Rod?" His brother asked again, his voice holding an edge of nervousness now. Merlin, he was afraid he'd angered Rodolphus.  
The big brother caressed his little brothers shoulder with his thumb, and his brother looked up at him, forcing Rodolphus to smile softly.

"Because after you taste love for the first time, you get addicted" he told his brother, and he knew it was true. He didn't stop this, no matter how wrong it was, because he was addicted to his brothers love. It was sick and it was wrong, but it was an addiction he couldn't live without.


End file.
